The biggest discovery that I made when I became a first-time mum was that parenting does not come with a standard manual or 21-year series with answers at the back of the books. Sounds like a motherhood statement and yet to a first-time parent, it is like finding out that you have to climb Mount Everest without training and proper equipment. And if you are a former sleepyhead like me, it also comes with the epiphany that you may have to scale Mount Neverrest for sometime to come.
Bringing up baby - a whole new ball game
Ben and I had stayed a week in hospital after Caleb was born because of his high jaundice. During that time, we hit the call button everytime we needed assistance, from breastfeeding advice to diaper changes. Then the day came. We finally left from our very spoon-fed room. When we returned home, the revelation that we were on our own hit me like a soiled diaper. And suddenly, I felt as vulnerable as my newborn baby without a swaddle.
Yes, I’ve read a few parenting books. The quintessential What to Expect books. Gina Ford‘s The New Contented Little Baby Book. Tracy Hogg’s Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. Marc Weissbluth‘s Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. And etc. Much as I enjoyed Baby Whisperer, Caleb did not quite fit into the categories of babies in her book or the suggestions on handling their character types. I didn’t get very far with Gina Ford’s book. It was so instructional that all was lost on me. The Sleep book was…well…all case studies, none of which relates to my baby. What to Expect is of course great for mining answers on specific questions. Babycenter’s bulletin board proved a great source of comfort for knowing that you aren’t the only clueless person around with endless questions.
But ultimately, nothing prepared me for first-time parenthood.
Denise Glenn, founder of the Motherwise Ministries (http://www.kardo.org/), shared about how, as a first-time mum, she used to spend one night a week at the public library searching the shelves for books on parenting. She found the study unsatisfying because when she tried the tips at home over the next 2-3 years, her mothering became more frustrating because the experts didn’t agree. That was when she realised that she needed a source that was consistently true and gave her an anchor (Pg 33, Wisdom for Mothers workbook.) She turned to the bible. What started as prayer time with one other mum in 1980 has since grown into a ministry across America and around the world.
In that same chapter, Denise relates a story about the mother of Charles and John Wesley and 17 other children. Suzanna Wesley found time to be alone with God each day. She would flip her apron over her head and her children knew not to bother her because she was praying. She prayed each day for an hour and she also committed to spending time with each child for spiritual training for one hour each week (Amazing how she could have done that with 19 children when I can’t even do that with one!). Her son John Wesley went on to become the founder of the Methodist Church and Charles wrote many beautiful hymns which we sing today. (Wisdom for Mothers Pg 41, John Wesley: Holiness of Heart and Life, http://gbgm-umc.org/umw/wesley)
200 years ago, at a time when there were no parenting expert books to consult, Suzanna Wesley set 16 rules for her household (Wisdom for Mothers Workbook, Pg 42). Amongst them were the following:
Rule 5- Teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak
Rule 8- To prevent no lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented
Rule 12- Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended
Rule 13- Preserve property rights, even in smallest matters
Rule 14- Strictly observe all promises
Rule 16- Teach children to reverence God
Over the past 14 months, I am seeing that raising a child requires both parents and a lot of prayer to Father God.
Over the past month, Caleb has started to clearly differentiate between Ben’s and my parenting styles. I’m the disciplinarian who tries over and over to get him to take his meals and naps. Ben is the fun and emphatic parent whom Caleb looks towards to rescue him from the confines of the boring highchair which Mummy insists he sits on and finish his food before he can leave.
And I know that means it’s time that we start establishing some consistent house rules. Otherwise, before long, Caleb will score many goals through our weak and uncoordinated defence.
So for starters, Ben and I have agreed that we need to maintain the front of Parenting United. We have to play on the same team with the same rules. And where we don’t agree, we will thrash it out in the “locker-room” and not in front of our audience of our little one.
I’m not sure what other house rules will come into play over time. We will need to work out our team colours and other essential footwork along the way. But for one, we will certainly follow Rule 16. As Caleb calls God Abba Father, we can have the assurance than our son shoots for a godly goal and higher glory.
Mum-Mum's the Word 
